I stayed quiet last week whilst the smacking debate was raging through social media. 

Fundamentally I agree with Scotland’s decision to make smacking illegal. I don’t think it is ever the right choice for discipline. It is not a good parenting tool. I agree with all the arguments that hitting adults is classed as assault and abuse, and so smacking children should be too. 

There are a million other things we can do instead of using violence towards our children. 

Smacking: I lost control

And yet, I wonder how many of you feel that guilt in your soul like I do? That you too have lost control. Lost your shit. Lashed out at your child? This one, particularly in her toddler years took me to the edge many a time. She pushed me more than I ever knew I could be pushed. 

Confession: I have smacked

I will hold my hands up. I have smacked my child. It has never been a rational, conscious choice. It’s never been a premeditated parenting tool. It has been during moments when I’ve reached the end of my tether, I’ve been tired, emotional, unhappy. Does that make it more justifiable? Fuck no. More understandable? Perhaps. More scary?

Does it make me human? I guess. 

Self-care: meeting our needs so we can meet theirs

I bang on about being selfish and putting self care first. Because I KNOW I am a great mum. But I know I can be infinitely better when I’m well rested, happy, fulfilled and looked after. 

Get help: understand toddler behaviour & change the game

Smacking is not something I ever wanted to do. It’s not something I ever want to do again. But I’ve done it, as I’m sure many many others have done too. Let’s be kind to ourselves and try harder to look after our own wellbeing so this next generation know loving cuddles not stinging thighs. Our kids deserve better. If you want to find new solutions for managing behaviour with your toddler, please book onto a ToddlerCalm workshop or course, or a private consultation.

If you want to empower parents with evidence-based information, please apply to become a consultant.

A guest blog from Holly Heather of Calm Birth, Calm Parenting.

  Holly Heather is a single mother of two and teaches the Calm birth method, Babycalm and writes about her experiences in motherhood.